Everything around you looks like it’s perfect. But inside the desire and need for perfection tears you apart. Somewhere along the way, being a high achiever became a larger part of your identity than you’d wished. When your identity is masked by a need to have everything look well put together or be perfect, you can lose a sense of yourself. This blog post will discuss the high achievers’ trap and how men’s therapy in Milwaukee, WI, for perfectionism, can improve your life.
What Is Perfectionism Really and What Is It Hiding?
Perfectionism on the surface looks wonderful, but the need to control or the impulses that live below the surface are powerful. Perfection tendencies may stem from multiple avenues. It could be hiding insecurities, low levels of self-esteem, fears of being less than, or maybe it’s hiding a drive where you need to show others that you can, and you are worth more than what you were. All can be valid reasons to use perfection as a mask.
How Does Perfectionism and Control Show Up in a Man’s Daily Life?
Perfectionism and control can show up in many different ways for men living in the Milwaukee, Wisconsin area. Most often, high achievers are equated with CEOs or entrepreneurs. But this can also include medical professionals, such as nurses and doctors, professional sport athletes, and college athletes. Perfectionism can look like everything needs to be done to a certain degree of mastery, while control can show up in many different areas, such as finances, interpersonal dynamics, work productivity, or the lack thereof, or hard, strict routines that you cannot break. Both perfection and control can influence thought processes that don’t allow you to deviate from doing things anything less than perfect.
Where Does the Need for Control Come From? The Roots of Male Perfectionism
As mentioned above, there could be many different reasons why men have a need to be perfect or control their lives. You may feel a desire to control due to growing up in an uncontrollable environment, for example. Perfectionism may also be related to gaining other people’s approval by looking like you have all your T’s crossed and I’s dotted. Perfection can also stem from high levels of anxiety for fear of failure, or you looking like you’re not good enough. Somatic experiencing therapy can help you decrease the perfection control tendencies, but also increase nervous system regulation, as well as heal past traumatic experiences in your life.
The Cost of Never Feeling Good Enough
This is a big topic and will look unique to each man in his life. If there’s a sense of you not feeling good enough, there can be an overcompensation to try to be perfect. This takes a lot of energy to not only reach, but also maintain on a daily basis. This can increase anxiety as well as chronic fatigue over time. If you’re focused on being perfect, then we’re not focused on finding something that’s fulfilling and rewarding. This can lead to burnout and unhappiness. Significant relationships, on the other hand, can only take so much stress. Eventually, these relationships, no matter how important to you, will begin to crumble. Others will push you away, and you will unconsciously push others away. Perfectionism and control can be a nasty spiral. However, with men’s therapy in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, you can find a way out.
How Does Men’s Therapy Help with Perfectionism and Control in Milwaukee?
Therapy for men throughout Southeastern Wisconsin can help you better manage perfection and control impulses and urges. With somatic experiencing therapy, you can develop awareness around the impulses of perfection and control and begin to separate impulse from actual behavior. This will allow you more time to respond to those impulses versus just reacting to them. This will allow you to not only continue living your life but also revitalize your energy and bring about a sense of inner peace and calm.
Perfection may seem like it’s only about you, but the ripple effects impact every domain of your life. From your intimate and significant friendships to how you parent or the standards you have for your children, to even the level of intimacy you have with your partner. At first, to others, living with your perfection and control is tolerable. However, over time, perfectionism wears them down, and then when the relationship becomes stressed, either you push them away or they push you away. So, despite being a high achiever wanting to be perfect, you may even find yourself very lonely and isolated in this world, trying to find connection wherever you can.
What Does Life Actually Look Like Without Perfectionism?
Having high standards for yourself without perfection tendencies can feel like a breath of fresh air, as well as decreased stress and increased quality of life. That’s because when your personal standards can flex up to meet the demand of a certain job project, sales presentation, or medical procedure, and then come down when you’re reading children’s books at night, you are able to execute a higher level with decreasing amounts of stress. Relationships will also feel that they are of a higher quality because you are present, emotionally tuned, and aware of your spouse’s or children’s needs.
If you want to work on perfection and control tendencies that permeate your life, I am currently accepting new clients at Revitalize Mental Health. If you choose to go with another therapist, that’s totally ok. You’ll want to check out that they have the training, the skill set, and the experience to help you heal and better your life.
Frequently Asked Questions about Men’s Therapy and Perfectionism
Thinking about men’s therapy for perfectionism, but not sure if it’s the right fit? Whether you’re questioning whether perfectionism is really a problem worth addressing, wondering if therapy can actually change lifelong patterns, or just trying to understand what the process looks like, the answers below are here to help.
Is perfectionism actually a mental health issue or just a personality trait?
Perfectionism itself is not a mental health issue, although it can be related to Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and high levels of anxiety.
Can therapy really change a pattern I’ve had my whole life?
Yes, psychotherapy can help you change old patterns that you’ve had for your entire life. That’s because in therapy, we’re not only healing and regulating the body and nervous system, but also changing your thought processes. This allows you to have new neural connections so that you can do different things and live your life differently, more in line with your values.
What’s the difference between perfectionism and OCD?
Perfectionism is usually related to having very high standards for yourself, such as being a father, being a CEO, a surgeon, or whatever professional you’re in. OCD, on the other hand, is a pattern of compulsive and ritualistic behaviors that impact every domain of your life. Trauma can underpin both perfection and OCD, so it’s important that you work with a trained mental health professional near you.
How is men’s therapy for perfectionism different from regular therapy?
Men’s therapy for perfection is different than regular therapy because you’re not only addressing the perfectionism, but you’re also working with a men’s therapist who understands societal standards that are placed on men. In this setting, we’ll work to separate the impulses of perfectionism from those of identity, masculinity, and whatever else it might be that you’re avoiding by hiding with perfection. Regular therapy, on the other hand, can cover many different domains and can consist of talk therapy. I utilize somatic experiencing therapy to help the men heal and better their lives. Somatic therapy is a bottom-up form of therapy, versus talk therapy. Talk therapy is being top-down.
Will I lose my drive or ambition if I work on perfectionism in therapy?
Absolutely not. In fact, when you’re able to regulate out of the constant drive to be perfect and actually experience moments of relaxation and peace, you are better able to execute when the need to ramp up comes back around. In this way, the body has time to recover so that you don’t run into decision-making fatigue or exhaustion.
How long does therapy for perfectionism usually take?
This will depend on each man. It will depend on what factors are the root causes of perfectionism and how long perfectionism has been a part of your life. Typically, men that I work with start to see results within 6 to 8 sessions. However, long-term healing, especially related to childhood trauma, may include six months or more of therapeutic sessions.
Do you offer in-person therapy in Milwaukee or telehealth across Wisconsin?
Yes, I do offer in-person therapy sessions at my Kenosha, Wisconsin office location. I have found that for most people living in the Milwaukee area, including Brookfield, Oak Creek, Wauwatosa, and Elmbrook, Wisconsin, driving to in-person sessions is doable. Virtual men’s therapy is also available for people who reside outside of the driving distance for in-person therapy sessions. I’m also licensed in Colorado and work with men in this State as well.
Stop Letting Perfectionism Run Your Life and Start Healing with Men’s Therapy in Milwaukee WI
If you’re tired of being controlled by perfectionism, it’s time to start healing now. Finding a men’s therapist in Milwaukee, WI, who you fit with is very important. I’m currently accepting new clients at this time and can usually start new clients within 1 to 2 weeks of their initial inquiry to start therapy.
Stop Letting Perfectionism Define You and Start Living with Men’s Therapy in Milwaukee WI
You have spent years pouring everything into being perfect, but the truth is that perfectionism has been quietly costing you your peace, your relationships, and your sense of who you actually are beneath the achievement. Men’s therapy in Milwaukee, WI offers you a space to finally put down the weight of impossible standards and start building a life that feels as good on the inside as it looks on the outside. At Revitalize Mental Health, you don’t have to have it all together to reach out — you just have to be ready to stop letting perfectionism run the show. Get started in three simple steps:
- Schedule a free consultation and take the first step toward breaking free from perfectionism.
- Learn more about working with a skilled men’s therapist in Milwaukee, WI who specializes in somatic experiencing and perfectionism.
- Stop waiting for the perfect moment and start men’s therapy.
Additional Therapy Services Offered at Revitalize Mental Health LLC
At Revitalize Mental Health, I understand that perfectionism doesn’t stay contained to one area of your life — it shows up in how you lead, how you love, how you parent, and how you measure your own worth as a man. While this blog focuses on men’s therapy for perfectionism and how somatic experiencing can help you break free from the high achiever’s trap, I also work with men navigating a range of challenges, including: Anxiety, Panic, Mood Disorders, Grief and Loss, Traumatic Brain Injuries (TBI), Schizophrenia, EMDR Trauma Therapy for First Responders and Military Personnel, and Men and Infidelity.
I frequently work with men who appear to have it all together on the outside while quietly exhausting themselves trying to maintain impossible standards on the inside. Sessions are collaborative and intentionally paced, using evidence-based approaches such as EMDR, Somatic Experiencing, CBT, and ACT, bottom-up therapies that regulate your nervous system and help you reconnect with the sense of ease and fulfillment that perfectionism has quietly taken from you. I offer both in-person therapy in the Milwaukee area, as well as virtual therapy throughout Wisconsin and Colorado.
About The Author
I’m Daniel, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and the founder of Revitalize Mental Health. I specialize in working with high-achieving men who are exhausted by their own standards — men who have built impressive lives on the outside while quietly struggling with the pressure, anxiety, and emptiness that perfectionism creates on the inside. I understand that reaching out for help can feel counterintuitive for someone used to handling everything on their own. But continuing to let perfectionism run the show slowly costs you your relationships, your health, and your genuine sense of self.
My approach addresses both the mental and physical roots of perfectionism using evidence-based methods, including EMDR, Somatic Experiencing, ACT, and CBT. As a certified EMDR therapist with advanced training in these approaches, I help men separate their identity from their performance and reconnect with a version of themselves that doesn’t require perfection to feel worthy. The result is a man who leads, loves, and lives with far greater ease and fulfillment.
